This Holiday Season, when at a bar or restaurant and you notice a glowing arcade machine in the corner of the room, chances are it’s the timeless classic “Ms. Pac-Man”. If any one can tell us a story about the Holidays, it’s this lonely lady.
Decked out in lipstick, eyeshadow, and a red bow, Ms. Pac-Man hits the board, desperately in search of Holiday love. Like in the story “A Christmas Carol”, Ms. Pac-Man is haunted by not three, but four ghosts. (Take that Dickens.) Yes, Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Sue the Ghosts of Holiday Loneliness are close behind. Only a steady diet of power pills and fruit can keep them at bay, until-
She meets the perfect man, Pac-Man. He’s been running from the Holidays since the 1980′s, and he recently recovered from a 256 day power pill binge. That’s when they knew it was true love.
Ms. Pac-Man gives birth to Jr. despite being on the pill. Normally the Child Service Stork would never allow power pill addicts to keep a child, but he’s going south for the winter. The families Holiday happiness is shortlived. Ms. Pac-Man starts indulging in salty pretzels, Pac-Man goes back to his old game, and Jr. develops a small power pill problem. Ms. Pac-Man is again left lonely, loveless, and damned to spend the rest of her Holidays running from ghosts and pacalifornia dreaming on such a winter’s day.
So this Holiday when a drunken stranger shoves a handfull of quarters into that glowing arcade machine instead of the barkeep’s tip jar, tell them how Ms. Pac-Man is just as lonely, loveless, and pathetic as they are. Just maybe you’ll receive the gift of a holiday punch in the face.
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
THE PAC ATTACK!!!!!
When is the last time you actually saw one of these arcade machines? I saw one at a car wash and another time in a bowling alley. I want to buy one for myself so that I can cry myself to sleep while trying to get the high score.